The Perverted Teddy Bear
by finickypanicky
Summary: Kon was brooding by himself when Yuzu picked him up for a wash. Catch Kon's misguided adventures and be entertained by his thoughts.
1. Intro

The ratings for this is different compared to my other stories because it contains certain descriptions which left to the readers' imagination may be quite traumatizing to sensitive people and younglings. Rest assure the next one would be back to those kinds reeking with innocence…I hope…

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Disclaimer: I **do not **own Bleach and its characters but they belong to their respective owners! 

**Chapter 1 : Introduction**** to Kon**

"Damn that Ichigo, leaving me behind…" I cursed in my hammy voice. "Neesan told us to hide till **this** thing blows over but nooo…..he has to play the hero and went directly into the lion's den to save her! _Bah…yeah right_…_the hero… here to save the damsel in distress…are you sure Nee-san is the damsel and not **you, **ne Ichigo? Haha…Ichigo the damsel!_ That's a sight for sore eyes. It's a pity he doesn't have those lovely extra large boobs contained in pointy metal bras to go with…not to mention brains too…that _idiot_…never even thinking about poor little old me before dashing away? What about _my own _journey of self-discove-"

My self-pity and laments were cut short by the sound of Ichigo's door swinging open. Quickly, I laid down flat on my back, imitating the actions of a real teddy-bear. I hate this job! No one falls for a teddy bear in this era anymore. Although sometimes being a teddy bear _do _have its advantages, like that time when Neesan accidentally stepped on me and I could see her pink bunny panties…and other things too. A smile formed on my furry face as the sweet images of that time came rushing back to me. I was on the brink of mentally drooling when I remembered the brunt of Neesan's punishment after that brief moment of paradise. That was enough to shock me back to reality and the reason why I am now lying like a stuff animal on Ichigo's bed.

'Wonder who that is? Never mind that, Ichigo's bed is actually quite comfy…no wonder he never allows me to sleep by his side every night but insis-'

A face appeared before me. It was Ichigo's sister. The one who once stuck an earring to my ear and put me into a dress!

"Eww…Oniichan must have wet his bed again…I think this time he _did_ it on top of the teddy bear too…"Yuzu soliloquized.

I felt two fingers pinched my right ear firmly and lifted me off the bed and I was brought near to her nostrils. Her pretty face screwed to a tortured look after she took a breath of the aroma wafting from my body.

"Yup…it smells…wonder what Oniichan did to his teddy bear…Karin and I had stop wetting our bed since last year!" She exclaimed while holding me at arms length away, her face slightly turned aside to gasp for fresh air. Holding me as far away as possible as her arm could allow( which is not really far but all the same it hurt my little heart that even a little girl like her hates me), she left Ichigo's room.

'Do I smell that bad?'

The anger and feeling of worthlessness inside me expanded ten-folds. I felt the need to lash out at her to regain some self-respect. Come to think of it, I still have not had my revenge on her for that earring incident. All the more reason to beat her up! Who cares if she is just a little girl but vengeance must be handed out where it is due. She deserves a kick, an upper cut to the left, to the right, one of my super combo punches and thousands of my ultra high kicks. It was a nice thought but I could never ever execute that idea, not in this life because: 1) it would be violating the very reason Ichigo left me behind. 2) If Ichigo finds out, he would probably beat me up till my stuffing burst (an eye for an eye) and 3) I'm now supposedly an inanimate teddy bear.

On the other hand, if I do, **_do_ **that and word of it gets out; imagine the media coverage!

A copy of tomorrow's headline appeared in my mind's eye. 'GIRL ASSAULTED BY TEDDYBEAR'

'Ahh….instant stardom…I'll be treated with style…close buddies with celebrities…parties every night… surrounded by _beautiful _women…women with low cut dresses with soft, Z cup breasts spilling out…and that _deep_ cleavage to bury my head in…hehehe…'

My lustful dream came to a halt when I felt a trickle of water dripping onto my head. Apparently, that brat had put me down somewhere. I looked around at my new surrounding. Images of bouncy breasts with pink nipples flew out of my mind. Where is this place? What is all these holes for?

I now find myself sitting inside some metal cavern with bundles of cloth beneath my furry butt. Suddenly, the trickle became a rush from everywhere. I spluttered as the ongoing rush hit me squarely in my face. The water level is rising dramatically with bubbles forming islands on the damp cloths. I jumped around in the narrow cavern to find a way to escape from the water but my heavily soaked limbs only deterred my efforts by weighing me down. Accepting my fate, I sank helplessly into the bubbly water. I mentally cursed the man who had put me in this position: Kurosaki Ichigo. I would have loved to express my hatred verbally but to do so would mean opening my mouth and that would lead to water filling up my trap and a faster death!

'This is it…_goodbye_ world, nice knowing ya!'

The last breath I held escaped as tiny bubbles up to the surface. I watched in horror as my last thread of life floated away, further and further away.

'I am too young to die! I have yet to sleep with anyone…I cannot die as a virgin! That would be a horrendous sin. I would give anything now just to spend my last night on Earth with anyone…regardless of the sex…a man would be fine…just don't let me die as a virgin, please God!' I mentally begged to the Almighty.

I have no idea how long I laid there, regretting about my still intact virginity before it occurred to me that I should actually be dead by now. I am now fully submerged in the water. There is no breath of air left in my limp body. Albeit, why do I feel the same as before?

I searched for a logical explanation...

'Silly me, I **_am_** a teddy bear…I dun need air! Relax Kon, your time in the world has not ended…yet! Just sit back and enjoy the bubble bath, minus the rubber ducky and naked women at my arms! Stupid brat…if you wanted me to take a bath the least you could do is throw in some women together with me…I'm not that choosy about the kind of women you put in…as long as they have butter smooth skin, legs that stretch as far as the eye could see, definitely no flabby arms, proportionate body, fair complexion and symmetrical face…lastly most important of all…none of them should have breasts size any smaller than a F cup-'

The cavern started spinning without any warning. It spun clockwise for a few minutes, then anticlockwise back clockwise, anticlockwise and so forth till I got dizzy. If I was human, I think I would have puked. Each time I think of the nude female species, something bad happens. Perhaps I should join priesthood after this and forget about self-discovery!


	2. ME,YUZU & THE CLOTHES PEG

Thank you Lems once again for your reviews!

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Disclaimer: I **do not **own Bleach and its characters but they belong to their respective owners! 

**Chapter 2 : Me, Yuzu and the Clothes Peg  
**

_Kon's POV_

The revolutions of the machine are making me extremely dizzy. I wonder if it was just my imagination or is the spinning getting more and more violent as time goes by. I shut my eyes to alleviate the effects but I soon find my active imagination taking me away to the Heaven of Big Boobs instead. The woozy feeling is now a thing of the past! There is nothing to worry about except for all those squealing girls who are waiting for me to catch them.

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_Yuzu's POV_

'Onii-chan is really too old to be wetting his bed! Mou…he should learn to control himself…' I thought to myself as I struggled to relieve Onii-chan's bed of its bedspread. I cringe as a whiff of odour trailed into the air after the flap of the bedspread tumbled out from its position under the mattress. Quickly tossing it into the laundry basket outside, I reached for the can of air-freshener sitting casually on Onii-chan's desk. Depressing the top, I waved the aerosol can around the room, determined to make sure that I did not miss a spot of the room. The mist of air-freshener evaporated in the wake of the can.

Satisfied, I put the can down and took a deep breath. I gasped and gagged when the so-called treated air made its passageway through my olfactory senses. The lemony smell of the air-freshener and the nauseous odour has intermingled. In my opinion, the product of their collision is poisonous enough to murder a metropolis city. It was a waste of air-freshener and kilojoules to painstakingly spray such a generous amount of it around the room since the air-freshener itself did little to help the situation.

I rushed to the window and flung it open. The breath of fresh air was sweet and revitalizing. I stood at the sill, slowly taking my time to recuperate from that near-death experience. Besides, the light touch of cool breeze on my skin was a sharp change to the stale air circulating in Onii-chan's room.

'Oh yeah…this is Onii-chan's room…Onii-chan left for his trip early this morning…'

"Wonder how Onii-chan's doing on his trip…I miss you…please come back soon…"I voiced out my concern and my plea to the imaginary image of Onii-chan floating outside the window. The pang of loneliness and emptiness had surreptitiously swelled up within me when I thought of the owner of the room I am currently standing in. I suddenly realized Onii-chan's present absence is creating a bigger hole in my world than I have ever thought. Without a warning the tears started to flow. I was sniffing pitifully when I remembered Karin's words last June. They were sharp and blunt but it is the truth.

'Stop it, Yuzu! Don't you get tired of crying year after year? This year we are going to be eleven already…almost adults…so act like one…'Karin's voice came ringing at my ears.

I fought back the tears and put on my most cheerful smile. "Onii-chan, enjoy your trip…dun worry about us…we'll be fine without you…you deserve to enjoy this trip without the worries!" I said between the subsiding sobs.

Wiping the last traces of tears, I turn around to face the interior of the room. I must have stood there for quite a while since the quality of the air in the room has improved deeply. Bursting with energy, I enthusiastically proceeded to vacuum the floor, dust the desk, polish Onii-chan's red electric guitar, rearrange the books on his shelf, put on fresh new bedspread and gave the toilet a thorough scrub.

'Oh no…the laundry…'

I clambered onto my feet from where I sat on the floor. I ignored the exhaustion screaming from my tiny body and ran down the stairs.

'I'm going to do my best for everyone's sake, Okaasan!'

A few minutes later, the clothes are all neatly hung out to dry under the morning sun. Only Onii-chan's stuffed teddy bear is left in the basket. I carefully lifted it up and cautiously brought it to my nose once again. It now emanates the flowery scent of detergent. Beaming with pride at this new development, I clipped it by its ears on the clothes line. I do not want Oniichan to return to find his favourite teddy bear had turned mouldy because I did not dry it properly.

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_Kon's POV_

"Iiiiiitttttttttttttaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii…………." I screamed out. I was jolted out of my beautiful dream by this torturous pain in my ears. I fumbled at the tips of my ears to find the source of the pain.

'What is this?'

To my horror, I found my ears are clipped tightly by two pairs of wooden pegs. Thanks to my own clumsiness, I accidentally pushed the peg on my left ear a little too hard. The peg attached to the ear bended a few degrees behind before displaying small oscillations on the clothes line.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh………………………….." tears streamed down my flat cheeks. The pain rose with each frequency of oscillation. Finally the peg came to a halt, compliments of air resistance. After experiencing first hand of being clipped and partially folded, I flinched at the thought of being an origami paper in the process of being folded full-scale into a crane.


	3. Under the sun

Disclaimer: I **do not **own Bleach and its characters but they belong to their respective owners!

**Chapter 3 : Under the Sun**

_Kon's POV_

The pain in my ears has lulled down to a dull throb, a little while later it lost all its feeling. I gave up trying to free my ears once I noticed the distance between my position and the green grass below. It was then, after weighing the pros and cons; I safely conclude that enduring a little pain is better than a huge hole in my body. That was how I ended up accepting my fate of hanging here for what feels like eternity under the bright blue sky, slowly grilled to perfection under the July sun. As the minutes ticked by, the sun's fierce intensity seems to increase proportionally with it.

'It's so _frigging _hot. Hurry up…come out, you _stupid brat_ and take me in…before I become **_ENGULFED IN FLAMES_!**'

I could not stand it any longer. I am about to explode, literally, since the cotton within me _is _expanding mercilessly with the heat. I can almost see parts of my usually flat body bloating up…when she appeared. Boy, was I glad to see her! I could even take up pompoms, willingly dressed myself in a short pink cheerleader outfit, and execute a million sommersaults if that would have made her move any faster. (As if I could actually perform those feats in my current position)

'Oh, I would do anything for you just get me under a _shade_!'

When her hands reached for me and began feeling me up, my heart leaped with joy. Yipee, not only is she flying me away from hell, she is giving the time of my life too! Glancing down at her, it occurred to me that she _is_ still a minor, yet to be scathed from the dirty elements that circulate the world. Therefore, I made every effort to squelch the moans of delight that are blossoming due to her rub down lest I mar her innocence.

'_Please_, _dun stop...ah-'_ I groaned helplessly inside unable to contain it any longer. '_Bah, forget about innocence…ahh…_'

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_Yuzu's POV_

I hummed happily to myself as I took down the dried clothes, threw it into the laundry basket and hung the next batch of laundry in its stead. My hands worked as efficiently as possible in its never-ending (pull, throw, flap and clip) routine because I wanted to get out of the sweltering afternoon sun before I became roast. Even though I had just stood in the sun for five minutes, beads of sweat have already decorated my forehead while the back of my yellow one-piece dress is partially soaked.

My hands stopped in its tracks when it came to Oniichan's teddy bear. After giving it a thorough squeeze, I decided that it still feels a little damp in the arms, the legs and the posterior. This was to be expected since these parts are more stuffed compared to the other parts of its body. It would be deemed impossible to expect it to be completely dry in another hour or so albeit the sun is extremely hot today. I skipped it and made a mental note to come back in the evening to retrieve it. By then, hopefully it is sun drenched enough to take out the musty smell too. Chuckling to myself, I proceeded to the next article and the next, repeating my routine. Soon, only the fresh new batch of laundry and Oniichan's favourite teddy bear lies flapping on the clothes line.

I skipped to the laundry basket full of dry clothes and gaily picked it up before heading back indoors.

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_Kon's POV_

'_Eh_…why is the house so hot?'

I snapped out of my reverie when my perverted brain finally comprehended that that the house is as hot as outside. I opened my eyes to find…

'Damn that brat…she forgot to take me in! **_No_**…she purposefully left me outside to be burned, scorched beyond recognition, charred to lumps of coal, UV rayed to…_yikes…_I'm going to get skin cancer from this long exposure!'

"**COME BACK HERE YOU LITTLE BRAT!**" I shouted. Actually, I was directing my anger towards Ichigo's stupid little sister but unfortunately there is no one in sight to bear the brunt of it now. 'Great, I look like a lunatic screaming at thin air!'

'Just like _Ichigo…she left me behind! _What did I _expect_…_the red carpet_? After all, she _is _Ichigo's sister, for goodness sake!'

I sighed sadly. 'What have I done to deserve this?'

**

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Author** **Notes:** Err…my deepest apologies to Yuzu for putting you in the fic and having you to deal with a perverted teddy bear at your age. Don't worry; Kon will face Judgement Day in the chapter yet to come. You have my word that his pervertedness and unsavory thoughts would not go unpunished. Just don't slap me with a lawsuit, it's not my fault that this _mod_ _soul_ has a screw lose in his head!


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry for the late update. I was away on a little trip and didn't have time to sit down to type it out but as a reward this is longer than the previous one and as promised Kon bashing. Well, here it is…the ending…I hope you guys will enjoy this piece too!

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Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach and its characters but they belong to their respective owners. 

**Chapter 4: Out of the Frying Pan into the Fire **

_Kon's POV_

Ichigo is gone and I am stuck under the hot sun several feet above the ground with both my furry ears securely fastened to a silly laundry line. Ichigo really owe me big time for this favour. I would not mind enduring the torture and the hotness if and only if there was something nicer to feast my eyes on; perhaps some beautiful girls with ample amount of busty bosom or since it is _this _hot, naked ones would do just fine! I, for one, am not going to complain if one did appear before me right now.

Sadly, things do not always go as one desires. Thus, I was left there entertainment less for the whole time. Well, Ichigo's flat-chest sister cannot be categorized under entertainment since she possesses no 'valuable assets' and I have yet to forget about all those horrid things she had done to me. Although I am rather grateful for her occasional presence since she _is_ a nice change of scenery compared to the grass and my ever-changing linen neighbours. It would be even more grateful if she actually took me in during one of her never-ending trips in and out of the house with the laundry basket.

Speaking of laundry basket, it is amazing how life can be so unfair at times. After all, as the saying goes, first come first serve. Therefore, theoretically, and after noting the other articles left on the line, I should be the lucky one to be picked next and brought in compared to the latter laundry. But the latter ones always get picked over me, be it if they were bedspread, towels, t-shirts, or cloths.

Why should I be the only one left behind? What do they have that I lack? Why do they get favoured over me? Besides, all my other comrades (the other articles that were from the same batch) have long been brought in and now there is not a friend left behind either. If they were around, at least, _I_ could gossip or get hot up-dates on latest happenings in the fabric world of Ichigo's house but now I am here all alone. Why, why am I the only one left on the line?

'_Sheesh, I'm even indirectly bullied by all the clothes and fabric present in Ichigo's house! Did Ichigo personally train them to treat me this way? I bet that that brat must be Ichigo's number one student!'_

_

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Yuzu's POV_

The miso soup has started to bubble gently in the pot. I closed the lid and turned down the fire to let the soup simmer. Satisfied with the size of the flame, I opened it up again and dipped the wooden spoon into it. I brought up a small amount and placed it into the small saucer to taste. It is perfect. I then turned my attention to the pan next to it. The oil is heated up and ideal for frying.

I was about to drop the medium sized sardines into the oil when it occurred to me that I forgot to do something. Something of great importantance; but I cannot remember what it is nor why is it important. I put the fishes back onto the plate and tried recalling something or anything at all but I came up with nothing. I shook my head and shrugged off the feeling; probably it was just my overactive imagination acting up again. I picked up the plate and balanced it on my right palm; I was about to pick up the sardines with my left hand when it hit me. I quickly put the plate back onto the counter top and rushed to the back door.

The shape of the clothes line and Onii-chan's teddy bear could still be seen in the distance even though the sky has darken tremendously as the sun is now peeping out of the horizon while night is making its majestic entrance. I quickly made my way towards the nylon line to retrieve Onii-chan's favourite bear. Unhooking the pegs that are holding the ears to the line I took it down. I heaved a sigh of relief. Thankfully I remembered to take it in time. I shuddered at the thought of Onii-chan's beloved teddy bear getting all green with mould because it got wet again by the night dew. Clutching it protectively to my chest, I made my way back to the house, my footsteps long and hurried. Otou-san and Karin-chan would be waiting for dinner to be served soon and the gas is still on.

_

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Kon's POV_

'_Finally, she's taking me in…just when I was beginning to feel unloved around here!_' I thought sourly. '_Wait, I'm always unloved around here!_'

Unwillingly, all the memories of my past mistreatments began flooding back into my consciousness. There was that time where I went through the whole trouble of waking Ichigo up because he was going to be late for school (and also because I wanted to complain to him about what _this__brat_ did to me) and he repaid me by trying to rip my ears off before stepping all over me. Then there was that time when I wanted comfort and tender loving care from Nee-chan and Ichigo after being mercilessly abused by two kids who know all about modified souls and all, instead they roughly shove me off to that _Quincy_ guy who sewed me up in a freaking dress before _they all_ marooned me at the dark gloomy school. And I had to find my own way home on these broken legs. Not to mention, the time when I was taped and strapped to the pipe behind the toilet seat for hours by the person I trusted most Nee-chan. And for all my bravery, instead of getting hugs and kisses from Ichigo, I was sprayed in the eye with large doses of air-freshener enough to kill a whole colony of mosquitoes before rudely slapped and bounced around the room.

'_Oh God_..._what is the purpose of my pitiful existence in this world? Please give me a sign…any sign… that would lead me back to the path of my lost destiny!_'

Suddenly I felt it, the answer to my request and the very reason behind my pitiful existence. Of course, God works in mysterious ways and the feel of these budding nipples against my cheeks are telling me that my main purpose in life is to…go forth and multiply!

'_Ah…Lord! I will embrace and fulfill your wish to the fullest. You can count on me!_ '

The sign and enlightenment explains a lot. And it came at a crucial time too just when I was beginning to wonder if I was actually suffering from chemical imbalance, a side effect of unsupervised measuring in the production process in the _mod-soul_ factory, with all those weird horny thoughts constantly popping up in my mind.

_

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Yuzu's POV_

"HELLO Yuuuzzzzzzuuuuuuu!" Otou-san called out and before I know it I was being lifted up by his strong arms in a tight embrace. It is touching the way Otou-san is so concerned about me but this is really uncomfortable with my arms pinned down like this and I can hardly breathe. "How is my little girl doing?"

"I'm…okay…Otou-san! I…just…went…out…to…get…" I struggled to answer Otou-san since he is literally squeezing the life out of me. "...Onii-…"

_

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Kon's POV_

The crushing force came without a warning. I found my whole body pressed tightly against the slightly curvaceous body of Ichigo's little sister. After spending the whole day in the sun, this is quite a rewarding compensation. I never thought that her body could be _this _developed since she does looks like a plank on the outside!

_

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Yuzu's POV_

"Yuzu, you are kind of hot…are you coming down with a fever?" interrupted Otou-san. I felt Otou-san loosen his iron-like grip around me and soon found my two feet back firmly on the ground.

"Come on, let's see…let's see…" he pressed his palms against my forehead. "Hmmm…it's hotter than usual…let's do a full body check!"

"Otou-san…I'm feeling fine…really fine…"

My assurances fell on deaf ears. Otou-san is dead serious on performing a full body check there and then.

"OKAAAAAAAY! First, let's take your clothes off!"

Otou-san brought both my arms up and I felt the hem of my one-piece dress being lifted.

'_Otou-san can't be serious… right…Otou-san wants me to take off my clothes right here in the doorway so Otou-san can perform a full body check…this is embarrassing…and I'm having my thing now…_'

"HANDS OFF...YUZU... YOU SICK-MINDED OLD MAN!"

My dress fell back into place as Otou-san was forced to let go when Karin-chan's kick connected squarely with his jaw. Karin-chan continued screaming at Otou-san and punctuated each of her abusive words with a fresh new kick. I winced each time the blows struck. If Karin-chan does not relent, Otou-san would definitely die!

"Karin-chan…" I started.

_Aww……ahh…..hmmm……_

It came from Onii-chan's teddy bear. I looked down at the stuff animal on my chest and furrowed my brow. I am not holding on to it anymore but it is still stuck firmly on my chest. This is weird.

_Ahh…HMMMMMM…………OOOH_…….

The strange sounds are getting louder and louder. Karin-chan stopped in mid-kick and stared at me. Otou-san is also staring at me through his blue-black eyes. At least Otou-san would not die in the hands of Karin-chan now but…

'What's wrong with Onii-chan's teddy bear? It's talking…'

I am starting to panic. A stuffed animal is stuck on my chest. No, corrections, a talking stuffed animal is stuck to my chest. To make matters worse, it seems to be pressing harder onto my chest. That was before…it moved!

"EKKKKKKKKKK………………." I screamed out, unable to suppress my fear any longer.

_

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Kon's POV_

This feels really good. I always dream of burying my head between firm perfectly round breasts but budding breasts _do _have their own appeal too. This is wonderful, absolutely fabulous!

"Aww……ahh…..hmmm……"

Marvelous! Blissful! Spectacular!

"Ahh…HMMMMMM…………OOOH!"

To optimize the experience and get the full feel, I buried my head deeper into the bosom.

'Hey, I got hung out like some piece of laundry under the hot sun the whole day…I deserve more than this…' I reasoned silently in my head.

It was then I got the idea that perhaps by moving my cheeks a little I could maximize the feel of the small bulge more fully. I was executing my perfectly thought plan when my tail was forcefully yanked. I frantically hung onto the brat's clothes to prevent myself from sailing away.

"AHHHHH…………………"

Unfortunately, the force got stronger than my 'frail' limbs could handle and I had to let go unless I wanted my arms ripped off.

_

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Yuzu's POV_

Karin-chan was the first to recover and react from the shock. In a blink of an eye, Karin-chan is in front of me and is pulling the stuff animal away from me by its tail. To my horror, it stuck onto me with its claw-like paws, screeching like a banshee. It reminded me of the two small black strips of plastic on my shoes that adheres tightly when pressed together thus lacing the shoes up, I think Onii-chan once told me that it was called Velcro, except this piece is situated at the wrong place and has a life of its own. My yellow one-piece dress stretched with Karin-chan's Herculean strength before it finally detached itself.

"YOU…PERVERTED….STUFFED…ANIMAL…"Karin-chan roared as she twirled the teddy-bear by its tail above her head triumphantly. We, Otou-san and I, could only stare at Karin-chan in shock. It spun round and round, gaining speed before she let go of it. The sudden removal of centripetal force coupled with the gravitational force exerted by the Earth itself caused it to fly quite a distance before it landed into…the frying pan. There was a plop sound as it sunk in then there was the common sizzling sound when something is in the process of being fried.

"Fufufufu……." Karin-chan chuckled, her black eyes gleaming with pride at her handiwork. "That's what you get for messing with my sister. Come…let's have dinner!"


End file.
